Sunday, October 7, 2007

Ned Flanders, Ted Haggard and Catfish

So I'm sitting on the couch with Kell and Jakob w/our dogs watching the Simpsons and Ned Flanders comes on the screen and I got to thinking of a news story I saw about Christians needing a makover cause most people think Christians in America are too judgmental. The years I spent in the Protestant churches in the south, well suffice it to say I live in Oregon.

I'm glad God isn't like most of the natural fathers I know, myself included. I would suck at being god.

I wonder when the Church in America is going to hire a P.R. firm? I'll be willing to bet Jesus wants them to hurry up and get the ball rolling on that:) I can see him up there shaking his head when the Ted Haggards of the world are preaching against their own actions and sexuality oops! Then you get busted!

DISCLAIMER-I AM NOT RELIGIOUS! Religion kills, I am a believer-big difference.

But Jesus is a lot cooler than people give him credit for. In the south-hang on- Kelli just said it. "God is not the God that is represented in the South" She's absolutly right. The churches for the most part-to give some background-I preached in some of the most hardcore Pentecostal churches in the South. In Arkansas. Churches that taught no pants for women, no cutting hair, no makeup, no facial hair on men,(women it was ok), no short sleeves, no t.v. radio if it was christian radio, but only if they played southern gospel music (which is just country-style gospel music) 'cause "christian rock" was definetly out. The only vice one could have while in Pentecost was FOOOOOOD!!!! And Lots of it! Man, I remeber when Brother Gray would call a fast, you could sense the tension in the church, it was palpable. Then when it was over, usually in a day or so, cause the fat asses would be faint with hunger...there would be vats of ro-tel cheese dip, fried chicken, pork steaks, (we were too damn poor to afford pork CHOPS), greens beans and cornbread cakes, ice cream, soda, tons more food, green beans w/bacon black eyed peas fried catfish & hushpuppies...actually it all sounds pretty f*cking good right now, it's harvest time in Oregon these days and I, my friends, have a green, I haven't immigrated (don't get me started on what I think of the terrible way Latinos are being treated in the U.S. now, f*ck the Republicans and these sorry rednecks).

Yeah those were the good 'ole days, listen to the preacher talk about how everybody goin to hell but us. But don't tell that to the Baptists cause they think THEY'RE the only goin to heaven...lots o fun.

Again, did I mention I live in Oregon?



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